More for your Mantra...Show next weekend and More from the Sister Mary Warehouse!!!

Ah, good sinners! Many thanks for your patience. Sister Mary had BUKOS of penance this week—in addition to preparing sandwiches and bottles of beer for the poor and the sober! This week, the twelve signs will each be getting a special mantra to guide them through the next week. Full reports and the Sagittarius description will be back next week!

Lest we not forget, however, the delightful excitement to come!

What: The Ass-tro Hour with Sister Mary Manhattan
When: Sat 12.15 @ 9PM
Where: Stain Bar (766 Grand Street, Brooklyn. Take the L to Grand—walk one block west)
How Much: $FREE
http://www.stainbar.com/

This month features special guests Yenta Claws (Jennifer Glick of the Inga Studtmeier Show and the Lower East Side Match Game ), and burlesque diva Harley Dear (Five time winner Miss Galapagazanga, Spice Variety Show). Tell Yenta Claws if you were naughty or nice this year…the naughtiest guy or girl wins fabulously naughty prizes!!!

And don’t forget!!!! It’s the last week to order a special Sister Mary chart…just in time for that office gift exchange you know you’re dreading so!!!

The Full Chart:
Sister Mary Manhattan breaks down the sun/moon/rising and 12 houses to explain why you (or your favorite brat) is such a crazy bitch or bastard!
$40 (or two for $65)

The Cheap Bastard’s Chart:
For the weak of wallet: Sister Mary Manhattan will break down the sun/moon/rising sign...and leave you wanting more, of course. But it’s a start!
$15 (two for $25, but then you really are being cheap.)

The Douchebag Chart:
For the person you’d rather leave off your list all together, but your mom says you have to get them something. Based on carefully calculated zodiac alignment, Sister Mary will explain why this person is so douche-ish—in a funny, informative way that may help them stop being that way.
$10 (two for $15. If you have more than two douchebags in your life, the problem may not be them…)

The Severe Douchebag Chart:
For the person who ONLY deserves coal…explain to Sister Mary exactly what this Severe Douche did to earn the title, and Sister Mary will personally deliver the coal herself.
$FREE. (You provide the coal.)

Contact Sister Mary at sistermarymanhattan@gmail.com if you would like to purchase.

Welcome to the week of December 10-December 16! Just keep breathing, just keep breathing…

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Disruption takes many forms, and few of them are pretty. Focus on laughing at these interruptions and you are less likely to punch in a wall. Broken knuckles=difficulty opening your Hanukah presents.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Enjoy your joy and try to share. If you have not found your joy, look for it in those you love. Look not for it at the bottom of your eggnog at the office holiday party.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
SHUT UP. And don’t drink too much.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Be patient—patience is an effective tool against migraines. Rome was not built in a day, nor torn down in a week. Think about Rome. The weather is nicer, too.

Leo (July 23-August 22)
Stiffen that lip and take three deep breaths. Get out of that bed. Moving around will make it harder for Bad Shit to find you.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Give freely and receive without condition. Your open heart is what your therapist lives for.

Libra (September 23-October 22)
Slow down and stop to smell the plastic roses. Open your mind and nostrils and you’ll enjoy many new illusions—some may not be illusions after all.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
Turn around and go the other way. Now, keep going. When you end up where you started, you’ve gone far enough. You’ll learn a lot too on that little jaunt around the world.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Watch your money. Don’t spend it all on coke.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Be happy. You’re the hottest kid at the party. If people don’t say it, it’s because they’re jealous. Enjoy being envied.

Aquarius (January 20-February 19)
Nothing lost, nothing gained. Where are you, anyway?

Pisces (February 20-March 20)
Listen to the careful words of the winos on the street. A message is coming and its sound is discreet. (Cool!!! Sister Mary made a rhyme!!!) Don’t ignore it this time, or you’ll be very, very sorry.