Hello all,
I am freshly exhausted from my voyage to New Orleans to encourage the saints to be more like the sinners. As it turns out, there was little work for me to do! While worshipping the holy Captain Morgan, I decided to extend my missionary vacation into this evening, and re-publish an interview I conducted with the astrological signs about a year ago, on my last trip through the Cosmos in the Golden Cauldron of Debauchery. I realize this doesn't wholly make up for a loss of Universal Wizdumb, but perhaps you will find a chuckle or two, instead.
Enjoy! I will return next week with a dedication to our favorite whiner, Cancer the Crab.
SMM
DON'T FORGET! YOU HAVE PLANS WITH ME FOR SATURDAY!!!
The Ass-tro Hour: with The Great Sin-Off
Saturday, June 30th
8:00 PM
Stain Bar
$FREE
Take your chance to confess your dirtiest at this public, live confessional. Audience will vote for the greatest sinner and the winner gets a prize package of shit you'll need in hell!!!
Plus, Sister Mary will also give the winner a personalized zodiac portrait!
stain
766 grand street
brooklyn, ny 11211
(L to Grand, 1 block west)
718/387-7840
www.stainbar.com
We all talk about the Zodiac. It's even been said that Astrology is the one true "unofficial" religion of the United States of America. But has anyone ever asked the constellations how they view themselves? What they think of their images? Never in my memory. It's time someone did, and who better than your local Sister of Sensual Salvation.
I asked each of the signs how they would describe themselves and here are my profoundly interesting results:
Aries: What is this for? You're doing this all wrong. Who told you to do it this way? They suck. So do you. Let me show you how to do it.
Taurus: Why does everyone say I'm so pushy and greedy? And why is Aries first?
Gemini: Me? Oh, you know what? I was just talking about myself to someone the other day. We were at this comet festival with the Black Hole guy and he was saying…..
Cancer: I would love to explain myself. But you wouldn't understand.
Leo: I rock! I'm hot! I'm the sexiest motherfucking sign around! Why, why do you ask? Did someone say something? What did you hear? Wait, where are you going?
Virgo: I'm not into astrology.
Libra: Everyone loves me! Everyone wants to hang out with a Libra. The only signs that don't like to hang out with me have something very, very wrong with them. And I'm going to fix each of them until they love me.
Scorpio: I wholeheartedly deny the existence of said "zodiac" and the pseudo-science known as "astrology" until they give me my planet back.
Sagittarius: Astrology is horseshit….but what does it say about Sag?
Capricorn: Ummm….I don't know. I try to get into astrology, but just doesn't really make a lot of sense.
Aquarius: (Did not show up for interview.)
Pisces: Define myself? What—are you trying to stick me in a box? Screw you.
That's what they said!
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2 comments:
Welcome back! I found this little tidbit of information for today, June 25th. Enjoy!
Today taskmaster Saturn exactly opposes spiritual Neptune for the third and final time in a 35-year cycle that began last August. Disillusionment and discouragement, both personal and cultural, run rampant as they did during the early 70s with Watergate and the end of the Vietnam War. Nevertheless, we can turn our dreams into reality with common sense and hard work while the intense Scorpio Moon keeps us in touch with our deepest feelings.
LOL. Thanks for sharing. I loved the descriptions of Virgo and Scorpio. Normally so true, if it wasn't for yours truly. LOL.
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