Oh, dear. Sun in Taurus—but the crazy moon in Aquarius. Maybe some of you noticed that the full moon in Scorpio drew out secrets and wackness from the deepest regions of our subconscious and caused us to spill them across conversational lines with a force of twenty raging bulls. That’s where the Taurus comes in.
While the Taurus energy is getting most of our slippery feet on the ground, Aries was already doing okay with their own hooves. The additional earth energy is going to make you feel stuck in the mud—which kind of sucks. But it isn’t all bad. The Taurus Mercury is going to make a lot more people sensitive to your rather blunt and fiery tongue. Your honesty may be mistaken for douchebaggery. Most of your problems this week will be the inability to work out issues with friends, lovers and co-workers because everyone around you will be too damn busy to sit down and have a State of the Relationship address. You’re Aries and therefore will feel physically and psychically constipated until you can get your point across. The opportunity will hit before the weekend, but don’t force it. And listen, this time. Stop snorting and growling.
It’s all about you this week, pretty one! “About time…” Taurus grumbles, and SMM couldn’t agree with you more. Eruptions and destructions have plowed through Taurus like a paper bag of plutonium, but the new world created by your own nuclear destructions leave plenty of delicious opportunities for new friends, new lovers, and new shoes. Don’t get too hooked on battle. Breaking shit is a hard addiction for Taurus to curb. You’ve been very good all year, don’t start being Bad Taurus when it’s so close to your birthday and you want nice presents. You may have to take some time away from Pamper the Taurus to go be nice to someone else. That’s not hard for you, to be nice, but getting you out of the spa will be the challenge. Put a tight limit on the Sauna time and look out for Great-Aunt Ester. Besides, she has candy in her purse.
Chatter-box drama is overflowing the Gemini kiddy-pool this week. Gemini, you’re being warned to take note of the time on the clock before whipping out the phone and calling the BFF’s—or they won’t be the BFF’s for long. Do you really need all of this attention, or are you only driving yourself and everyone around you more than slightly mad? Consider, consider the time, Gemini. That’s your major cauldron warning for this week. Plus, if you pipe down a bit, you’ll be more likely to hear the cash-fairy when she comes knocking at your door. That’s right! Geminis have the opportunity to make some cash mid-week, and they better not blow it. Of course, they might not see this cash for a year or so, but better late than never! Start paying attention to all ringing cash registers, now.
You know, Mars in Cancer has made everything decidedly crappy. In ours heads, anyway. Thrown forward by this unusual need to accomplish EVERYTHING, we struggle when things don’t come sailing into our lap in pretty blue Tiffany’s boxes. It looks as though it’s this kind of week for Cancers. The coked-out motiviation will be met with a dried out and limp nutsack of opportunity. We’ll want to crawl into our shells and die. The shell part is a good idea. The dying part is not. Who will our co-dependant friends co-depend on? Now is also not the time to rehash the past. We will, anyway, because we’re Cancers. It’s a better week for reflection on who we are as Crabby Babies and how we can evolve to become stronger, sexier Crabby Toddlers. That’s our advice to ignore for the week.
Leos have a bumpy start to this here week. Whether heartbreak, hangover or kidney stone, they hobbled into work this morning with a mimosa hidden in their travel coffee mugs and a thick supply of Advil (or acid…) under their tongues. If you’re involved with a Leo, pet them often. They’re sad little kittens this Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday. By mid week, the depression will set in for a bit. But only for a bit! No need to call the shrink, yet! They are more likely to curl up on the couch than go to the Pilates class with their friends, and that’s okay. They get one pass and this is the one. But by week’s end, they’ll emerge happy and shining with a fresh new gloss on their manes and will be back to purr, preen and entertain us. It happens. Don’t worry about them. But do spoil them.
Yeah, you and your Cancer friends should get together and feel sorry for yourselves in common spirit. You’re so sick of being in a rut, you’d like to chew through rock. It won’t help. But this time is a growing time for you. Yeah, SMM knows how much you just love (not) inspirational word-pills…but it’s true! A year from now, you’ll be very happy with yourself. And you’ll get to laugh at the poor saps stuck in Saturn once you’re all done with it! Ha ha ha ha ha.
The chaotic Scorpio moon threw everything in your world off-center as well, which caused an outbreak in hives on Libras around the world. The early part of this week will find you reaping the rewards from your organized ways. Like, matching socks and milk that isn’t sour. This puts you miles ahead of the other knuckleheads that surround you, who are still chewing their curdled coffee and can’t even find the socks. Now, don’t get all fancy-pants and braggy, Libra. The end of your week wants to come and smack you in the ass, in a way that is not pleasant. So, keep your meditation tapes and scented candles handy. You’ll need ‘em. SMM promises. Hopefully you won’t need them too much or too long.
Well, well well…you certainly got something out of your own f-d up moon! Share, damnit! You’re reaping more and more awesomeness, which will only increase in the next few months. Take advantage of this productive time and like, get a job or something. Or sell your original graphic novel—the one you’ve kept under your mattress since the 11th grade. Also, take time to think about you, even more than you normally do. The theme of this Scorpio’s week is “The Self.” And it’s about “Self-improvement,” not “Persuasion, domination, and annihilation of everyone but Me.” It also might be a good week to send one of your Guys out after the punks that still owe you money for whatever drugs you scored for them back in college. Chances are, they’ve found some sort of income by now.
Oh, you’re totally fine for this week. Read no further. Ha! Now that you’re ignoring SMM’s advice, she’ll say it again. You’ll be very happy for the first part of the week, and the happiness is most likely inspired by that hottie still curled up in your bed. Things are going well for Sagittarius in the heart front. Even if that hottie is still a sharpie-marked body pillow made to look like your heart’s desires, the relationship with that pillow will deepen as it contours to your lusty frame. You, too need to watch that you don’t get so enwrapped in your pillow that you suffocate or something. (That’s a metaphor for all relationships—ADD friend.) Take some time for you by the end of the week or that person you’re so crazy about now will start to bug the crap out of you by Friday and you’ll be bored and lonely over the weekend.
Something has seriously crawled under your tail this week, lovely one. Something flared out, which disappointed you greatly. The temp job folded way before it was meant to, the five-week relationship that was going so well suddenly needed “space.” Weird. Well, don’t analyze it too much, but also don’t push yourself to get over something that may simply need some more time to hurt. If you’re upset, let it be that way and don’t try to shove it off the mental plane just yet. It’ll only bounce off the jagged valley floor and come back as a migraine over a tiny traffic jam. These things have a bad way of doing just that.
Huh. Why the hell are you so calm this week? It’s making us all nervous. Maybe your own moon’s influence just puts you in a state of bliss, now that everyone is moving to your groove for once. Something big—and good!—is about to enter your realm. A promotion, maybe. Promoting an Aquarius seems like a risky business venture and is a little less likely in the realm of conservative Taurus. In fact, that’s what it looks like will happen. Someone is about to give you a lot of responsibility and then come to their senses at the last minute. Don’t take it too personally. Did you really want to micro-manage office monkeys, anyway?
Pisces (February 20-March 20)
Strength is your objective and obstacle this week. You’d rather get a root canal by a rabid beaver this week—if it means you can stay in your dark little hole and hide from the world. Your time of hibernation is going to help you quite a bit. You’ll finally emerge (maybe when the weather turns) and you’ll emerge skipping (sort of) and humming (a little). Delicious new beginnings are on the way for Pisces, and they’d better make good use of them or Sister Mary will kick you with a stiletto. It’ll hurt. THAT she promises.
Be Good! Have Fun! Don’t waste your time trying to do both!!!
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